Halftime Report 2013 – Part 1

by Ken B.

In a practice loosely based on one of the online critics whose site I regularly visit, I’ll be publishing a list of the top 5 and bottom 5 movies I’ve reviewed so far this year. Tomorrow, I’ll show you the 5 best movies I’ve reviewed so far. I’ll just take the cinematic garbage out first, to get it over with quickly.

WORST 5

I now present to you:

The Rubbish In Film Awards: Installment 1½

These movies will be presented in “ascending” order, from number 5 up to number one.

 

MOST DISAPPOINTING

I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of excited to see Limitless. It had a fantastic cast, and a fascinating concept. But the finished product was horribly sporadic in if it was any good.

 

MOVIE THAT PARTIALLY KILLS THE REPUTATION OF MAKING MOVIES ABOUT DESERTS

Sahara. In this disconnected action movie, we’re subjected to a main plot which has nearly nothing to do with the first 10 minutes. The action scenes are nice, and there’s formidable talent in front of the camera, but that is literally it.

MOVIE THAT IS THE WORST TIME TRAVELER’S ATTRACTION TO 14TH CENTURY EUROPE

Season of the Witch. I was rather ill when I reviewed this one back in March, but I doubt a second viewing when healthy will improve the standings at all. You can’t mistake bad lighting, an inconsistent screenplay, and an ending that feels like it belongs to a far superior movie.

MOVIE THAT MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO DRIVE THE LEAST

(Well, maybe that title’s too broad, because that might be that British PSA against texting and driving with all the blood and bones snapping (also goes without saying, don’t click the link if you don’t want to watch those things). But at least that one had a good, educational message, and encouraged people not to do idiotic things, like driving while using your cell phone.)

No, the movie we’re “honoring” here is License to Drive. Yes, this movie is an insult to comedy. I think it might be actually a tragedy, about people that are all ready to be in a comedy, but aren’t actually funny.

And now.

The worst movie I reviewed so far in 2013.

Also the first movie I reviewed in 2013, thanks to horrible scheduling.

And that movie is…

Alpha and Omega. But maybe the problem doesn’t lie with the filmmakers themselves. Maybe it lies with the studio, Lionsgate, for thinking it was probable to make a feature length CG animated movie with professional actors for under $50 million.

Well, tomorrow, you’ll be treated to the 5 best movies I’ve reviewed so far.

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